Dear Scarlett Johansson: Thank You [Warning: NSFW] 2

Dear Scarlett Johansson Thank You

Dear Scarlett Johansson: Thank you. I’ve loved you ever since that opening scene of Lost in Translation where Sofia Coppola introduced the world to your magnificent bottom. It seems we have now come full circle. And my gods, what a circle it is!

Seems the same band of rapscallions that are responsible for other [reported] celebrity phone hackings are at it again. This time, they exposed the much desired shots of Ms. Johansson’s body that puts a joyous end to a decade of heterosexual anxiety over her lack of onscreen nudity. In this case, I doubt art could do any better than life:

 

...this is all that is good in the world...

 

...and this is all that is good on other worlds...

Needless to say, Scarlett, I know you are not happy. Someone has invaded your privacy and presented personal pictures for all the world to see. But, try and see it the way everyone else sees it. You. Are. Gorgeous. It would be one thing if these pics exposed your stretch marks or seventeen extra nipple hairs. But, they don’t. They simply confirm what the greatest minds of humanity have theorized all along: You are a fucking goddess!

So, again, thank you. You have taken a single ordinary day and made millions upon millions of people across the globe pause and smile at what can only be called “proof there is a God”.

P.S. Ryan Reynolds, you are a complete gaylord if you walked away from this. This makes me hate Green Lantern even more. Schmuck…