10 Awesomest Wii Games You (Probably) Didn’t Play pt. 2 0

10 Awesomest Wii Games You (Probably) Didn’t Play

READ THE FIRST PART FROM MAXWELL YEZPITELOK…

6. Help Wanted (2008)

Help Wanted (Hataraku Hito: Hard Working People in Japan) is essentially a series of wiimote-based minigames tied together by a single over-arching story. The minigames are fun enough on their own and do a great job of justifying the wiimote’s waggle controls, but what elevates the game above “decent” is the story that serves as the framework for the minigames:

In Help Wanted, a huge meteor is heading towards earth, and the only way to prevent Deep Impact from coming true is for you to buy something called the “Transformowatch” – which has the power to transform its wearer into a giant superhero that can destroy comets – from the TV shopping network.

Unfortunately, the Transformowatch costs a lot of money, so you take various part time jobs to raise enough money while trying to delay the meteor by buying cheaper but less powerful items from the TV shopping channel (for example, a spooky mask that can scare the meteor.) In case you’re wondering what the authorities are doing, the President is too busy dating his P.A. to help, while NASA (NAZA in the game) has been destroyed by a fragment of the comet. It’s the kind of plot that makes a lot of sense if you’re from Japan or doing drugs.

7. Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers (2009)

Most people just saw the words “Bikini” and “Zombie” in the title and decided to write this off as a ridiculously tacky game that relies more on fanservice than depth and creativity – and they were right. The game puts you in the shoes of either a bikini-clad blonde girl or an underaged schoolgirl and puts you in the middle of a city infested by zombies. As the title implies, your main goal is to slay the zombies, using samurai swords. That’s all there is to it.

Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers has a very arcade-y feel to it, in the sense that the plot and cutscenes thrown at you will be largely ignored (or skipped) in favor of getting back to the slicing and dicing of necrotized flesh. As mentioned above, there’s a lot of fanservice; the main character’s cowboy hat covers more body parts than her actual clothes and the other character is an underaged schoolgirl, which is enough fanservice for some of you sick fucks out there. It’s also worth noting for being one of the two Wii games unsuitable for children due to sex AND violence (the other one is called Jillian Michaels’ Fitness Ultimatum 2010.)

8. Bully: Scholarship Edition (2008)

Bully: Scholarship edition already has ports on other platforms, but it still deserves a mention as one of the top Wii games that you haven’t played, but should own. Partly because it’s a really good game that lets your male character have a boyfriend while still in highschool (most of us dudes didn’t get boyfriends until we’re in college), and partly because it fills a Grand Theft Auto-shaped hole in the Wii’s library.

As far as the graphics is concerned, there’s nothing to be excited about and don’t expect anything worth calling “current gen”, but if you’re playing the Wii expecting the best in HD graphics, then you probably bought the wrong console.

9. Muramasa: The Demon Blade (2009)

Muramasa: The Demon Blade is a side scrolling fighter that features sharp, detailed 2D sprites and backgrounds and gameplay that comes off as a mishmash of Castlevania, Metroid, and Devil May Cry 3. You get a chance to play as a Japanese woman possessed by the ghost of a Samurai, or a Ninja with amnesia. You fight against demons, ninja, samurai, monks, and even forest animals.

The game only takes around 10 hours to finish, which should be enough to ensure that it doesn’t overstay its welcome. You have the option of playing the other character if 10 hours isn’t enough, anyway.

10. Final Fantasy: Crystal Defenders (2009)

Final Fantasy: Crystal Defenders is a Wiiware game from Square Enix that was largely ignored by modern JRPG fans because it doesn’t have an androgynous, emotionally stunted protagonist, and because it’s not really a JRPG. It’s a tower defense game, like Plants vs. Zombies or Desktop Tower Defense, and it’s extremely addicting.

It’s sort of a cheat, because Crystal Defenders is so addicting not because of anything that Square Enix or the Final Fantasy franchise has done, but because Tower Defense games are enjoyable by default. Assuming that you aren’t tired of the genre yet, you’re going to love this game.